1
00:00:03,016 --> 00:00:05,249
Halloween is so fun.

2
00:00:05,284 --> 00:00:06,951
I just love seeing all
the little superheroes

3
00:00:06,986 --> 00:00:09,620
before they can pronounce
their (Lisping) S's.

4
00:00:09,656 --> 00:00:13,124
(Lisping) I'm Thuperman, and... and
my Thithter's name ith Thpider-man.

5
00:00:13,159 --> 00:00:13,958
(Laughs)

6
00:00:13,993 --> 00:00:15,493
Good morning, lovely ladies.

7
00:00:15,528 --> 00:00:16,594
Yo. Hey.

8
00:00:16,629 --> 00:00:19,497
Don't you mean, (Spookily) Ghoul morning?

9
00:00:19,532 --> 00:00:23,367
Why didn't I walk straight to the car?

10
00:00:23,403 --> 00:00:25,970
Honey, listen. I'm gonna need
you to come home a little early.

11
00:00:26,005 --> 00:00:28,305
I can't decorate all by myself,
and the girls have plans.

12
00:00:28,341 --> 00:00:32,243
I had plans 25 years ago.

13
00:00:32,278 --> 00:00:33,611
Guess who messed that up.

14
00:00:35,226 --> 00:00:36,986
Oh, I'm going to the
range to shoot at stuff,

15
00:00:37,016 --> 00:00:39,517
and they're gonna dress up the
targets to look like werewolves.

16
00:00:39,552 --> 00:00:41,485
Before they transform
or after they transform?

17
00:00:41,521 --> 00:00:43,961
'Cause before they transform,
you're actually shooting people.

18
00:00:45,091 --> 00:00:48,926
And now that I'm finally legal, I
can go to costume parties at bars

19
00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:53,330
and not have my costume be the person
whose picture is on my fake I.D.

20
00:00:54,267 --> 00:00:56,967
Don't worry, mom, I'll be responsible.

21
00:00:57,003 --> 00:00:58,269
Oh, please.

22
00:00:58,304 --> 00:01:01,806
By midnight, you'll be puking through
the eyeholes of your Hello Kitty mask.

23
00:01:01,841 --> 00:01:02,973
Ah, joke's on you.

24
00:01:03,009 --> 00:01:05,943
I'm going as "sexy pope," so
I'll be puking into my hat.

25
00:01:05,978 --> 00:01:09,780
Wow. Everybody in hell will
think that's hysterical.

26
00:01:09,816 --> 00:01:12,283
Sometimes I hate Halloween.
Why don't we just skip it?

27
00:01:12,318 --> 00:01:15,019
No, we are doing Halloween,
Mike, and do you know why?

28
00:01:15,054 --> 00:01:17,855
Girls, you're gonna see a rare event here...
I'm gonna lose an argument

29
00:01:17,890 --> 00:01:19,223
'cause your mom is holding
the Halloween trump card...

30
00:01:19,258 --> 00:01:20,491
Boyd.

31
00:01:20,526 --> 00:01:23,461
- That's right, and we love our grandson...
- Mm-hmm.

32
00:01:23,496 --> 00:01:25,463
...so as long as Boyd
is coming to this house,

33
00:01:25,498 --> 00:01:27,064
we are gonna scare the hell out of him.

34
00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:28,899
You got me, there.

35
00:01:28,935 --> 00:01:31,035
As long as he's coming to this house.

36
00:01:31,070 --> 00:01:34,538
Why did you repeat what I just said?

37
00:01:34,574 --> 00:01:35,706
I talked to Ryan.

38
00:01:35,742 --> 00:01:37,541
He's not letting Boyd come to this house.

39
00:01:37,577 --> 00:01:39,610
- What? Why not?
- I don't know.

40
00:01:39,645 --> 00:01:41,512
But something about the
slaughter of innocent pumpkins.

41
00:01:41,547 --> 00:01:42,546
I don't know.

42
00:01:42,582 --> 00:01:45,683
I don't listen to him, but that way
we don't have to do Halloween.

43
00:01:45,718 --> 00:01:46,817
No, no, no. No, no.

44
00:01:46,853 --> 00:01:48,886
Even if Boyd isn't coming,
it is still Halloween...

45
00:01:48,921 --> 00:01:50,621
Honey, honey, honey.
...And we can give out candy

46
00:01:50,656 --> 00:01:52,823
to kids in their cute little costumes

47
00:01:52,859 --> 00:01:55,192
and... and see the excitement
on their little faces.

48
00:01:55,228 --> 00:01:56,927
- Mom, it's over.
- Yeah.

49
00:01:58,264 --> 00:01:59,663
Have some dignity.

50
00:02:00,438 --> 00:02:01,838
Honey, we got no skin in this game.

51
00:02:01,868 --> 00:02:04,301
Tonight's a perfect night
to watch a different game...

52
00:02:04,337 --> 00:02:07,071
the Michigan Wolverines play
the Minnesota Golden Gophers.

53
00:02:07,106 --> 00:02:08,572
But I already bought all the candy.

54
00:02:08,608 --> 00:02:09,740
Well, just give it to dad.

55
00:02:09,809 --> 00:02:12,443
He steals the good stuff
and hides it anyway.

56
00:02:12,478 --> 00:02:17,014
You can't steal stuff that you pay for.

57
00:02:17,049 --> 00:02:18,649
What happened to you?

58
00:02:18,684 --> 00:02:20,351
You... you used
to love dressing up

59
00:02:20,386 --> 00:02:23,053
and... and scaring the
trick-or-treaters and now this.

60
00:02:23,089 --> 00:02:24,021
What?

61
00:02:24,056 --> 00:02:27,558
I'm sorry, I'm just not ready for my
husband to turn into some grumpy old man.

62
00:02:27,593 --> 00:02:28,826
I don't think it makes me a grumpy old man

63
00:02:28,861 --> 00:02:32,229
because I don't like a bunch of damn
kids trampling over through my yard.

64
00:02:34,133 --> 00:02:37,134
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com

65
00:02:40,973 --> 00:02:42,406
(Doorbell rings)

66
00:02:42,441 --> 00:02:43,541
I got it.

67
00:02:45,578 --> 00:02:47,478
Hey, Chuck. Hey,
trick-or-treat.

68
00:02:47,513 --> 00:02:50,948
Honey, it's our first
trick-or-treater.

69
00:02:50,983 --> 00:02:53,317
It's... it's all the Pips.

70
00:02:53,352 --> 00:02:54,618
Hi, Chuck.

71
00:02:54,654 --> 00:02:55,920
- Hey, how you doing?
- Good.

72
00:02:55,955 --> 00:02:57,721
I'm gonna leave this candy with you.

73
00:02:57,757 --> 00:02:59,290
It's laced with marijuana.

74
00:02:59,325 --> 00:03:01,292
Oh, I get it. I get it.

75
00:03:01,327 --> 00:03:03,861
Funny black guy giving me drugs.

76
00:03:03,896 --> 00:03:06,230
Get a funky sweater... Bill Cosby?

77
00:03:09,335 --> 00:03:12,203
It's from your dad's pot shop.

78
00:03:12,238 --> 00:03:13,804
I gave him a ride to the airport.

79
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:16,340
On the way, he remembered he
can't take that on the plane.

80
00:03:16,375 --> 00:03:18,409
I'll put it in my gun safe.

81
00:03:18,444 --> 00:03:19,944
Look at that... drugs and guns.

82
00:03:19,979 --> 00:03:22,313
I'm definitely a libertarian.

83
00:03:22,348 --> 00:03:25,015
See you're getting ready for the big night.

84
00:03:25,051 --> 00:03:26,917
Carol's pretty excited, too.

85
00:03:26,953 --> 00:03:29,653
I know, I know. We're
both gonna be witches.

86
00:03:29,689 --> 00:03:31,789
Oh, so no costumes this year?

87
00:03:33,125 --> 00:03:36,527
Carol wants me to be Denzel.

88
00:03:36,562 --> 00:03:41,532
I guess a decorated marine can't
compete with a fake alcoholic pilot.

89
00:03:41,567 --> 00:03:43,467
Oh, come on, Chuck.
Don't you want to dress up?

90
00:03:43,502 --> 00:03:45,369
I'm a grown man!

91
00:03:45,404 --> 00:03:47,204
I just want to put on my Gopher head

92
00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:49,807
and watch Minnesota beat
the hell out of Michigan.

93
00:03:49,842 --> 00:03:51,976
You are a Minnesota fan. That's right.

94
00:03:52,011 --> 00:03:53,372
We should watch the game together.

95
00:03:53,379 --> 00:03:54,578
No, no, no, no. I'd love to see a Gopher cry.

96
00:03:54,614 --> 00:03:55,880
Come on, really.

97
00:03:55,915 --> 00:03:57,548
- Well, you're not watching it here.
- Why not?

98
00:03:57,583 --> 00:03:59,016
This house is doing Halloween.

99
00:03:59,051 --> 00:04:00,184
Great. My place then.

100
00:04:00,219 --> 00:04:03,621
I got cable just like you, except
I don't watch redneck fishing,

101
00:04:03,656 --> 00:04:06,624
redneck hoarding, or
redneck storage spaces.

102
00:04:06,659 --> 00:04:08,692
Why do you have cable?

103
00:04:14,667 --> 00:04:16,066
Thank you.

104
00:04:16,102 --> 00:04:17,534
Ed: Hey.

105
00:04:17,570 --> 00:04:19,036
Happy Halloween, Ed.

106
00:04:19,071 --> 00:04:21,071
Yeah, it's a great holiday, but, you know,

107
00:04:21,107 --> 00:04:23,274
it's really best when the kids are little.

108
00:04:23,309 --> 00:04:26,577
The smiles on their faces...
well, it's... it's just magical.

109
00:04:26,612 --> 00:04:27,272
It's magical.

110
00:04:27,303 --> 00:04:29,914
Mr. Alzate, is it all right if I
knock off a little early today?

111
00:04:29,949 --> 00:04:32,383
- I have kids.
- Again with the kids?

112
00:04:33,552 --> 00:04:34,985
And you also have a job.

113
00:04:35,021 --> 00:04:36,553
Please, finish unloading the truck.

114
00:04:36,589 --> 00:04:38,322
Thank you very much.

115
00:04:38,357 --> 00:04:41,392
Yeah, there's nothing like seeing the
excitement on a kid's face on Halloween.

116
00:04:41,427 --> 00:04:43,060
Cherish these days with Boyd, now.

117
00:04:45,631 --> 00:04:49,700
Kris, please tell me these guys in costume
aren't waiters at the restaurant.

118
00:04:49,735 --> 00:04:53,237
I don't want people serving wild game
around here with a hatchet in their head.

119
00:04:53,272 --> 00:04:55,839
I told everyone "no costumes."

120
00:04:55,875 --> 00:04:58,042
I already sent the Flash home to change,

121
00:04:58,077 --> 00:05:01,378
which was over an hour ago,
so I guess he broke character.

122
00:05:01,414 --> 00:05:05,749
I do not like to see
our employees in costume.

123
00:05:05,785 --> 00:05:07,918
(As Ed) Couldn't agree more, Mikey.

124
00:05:14,827 --> 00:05:17,494
You know, but if, uh, one
of our employees, like say,

125
00:05:17,530 --> 00:05:21,598
I don't know, Kyle, were to come in
costume, we could let it slide, right?

126
00:05:21,634 --> 00:05:24,601
Well, I suppose we're going to have to.

127
00:05:24,637 --> 00:05:26,937
By the way, Mikey, love the Vlog.

128
00:05:26,973 --> 00:05:29,673
Another home run.

129
00:05:29,709 --> 00:05:31,976
We haven't posted it yet, Kyle.

130
00:05:32,011 --> 00:05:35,512
Oh, I guess I only thought
you had 'cause I'm old.

131
00:05:35,548 --> 00:05:37,014
Isn't that what you're
always saying about me?

132
00:05:37,049 --> 00:05:40,050
(Chuckles) Because you are old.

133
00:05:40,086 --> 00:05:41,819
Yep, I'm old.

134
00:05:41,854 --> 00:05:45,856
So I just smile like
the proud Basque I am...

135
00:05:45,891 --> 00:05:48,459
never showing my true feelings,
never letting anyone in,

136
00:05:48,494 --> 00:05:51,862
which is kind of sad when you
think about it, so I don't.

137
00:05:51,897 --> 00:05:53,897
And the cycle continues.

138
00:05:53,933 --> 00:05:58,402
Uh, when Ed sees this, we may have an
employee with a hatchet in his head.

139
00:05:58,437 --> 00:06:00,537
(Normal voice) What are you talking about?

140
00:06:00,573 --> 00:06:02,773
I don't think Ed's gonna
think this is all that funny.

141
00:06:02,808 --> 00:06:03,841
Oh, I don't know.

142
00:06:03,876 --> 00:06:06,810
I-I think he'll see past the silly
beard and the silly no hair

143
00:06:06,846 --> 00:06:08,207
and see it for what it is... okay.

144
00:06:08,214 --> 00:06:10,014
...a loving tribute to a great man.

145
00:06:10,049 --> 00:06:11,115
I don't know.

146
00:06:11,150 --> 00:06:12,790
If it were me, I'd punch you in the face.

147
00:06:13,819 --> 00:06:16,620
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.

148
00:06:16,655 --> 00:06:17,788
What do we have here?

149
00:06:17,823 --> 00:06:19,890
D-d-d-don't tell me. Don't tell me.

150
00:06:19,925 --> 00:06:21,558
A zombie, huh?

151
00:06:21,594 --> 00:06:23,293
You're one of those things that was dead,

152
00:06:23,329 --> 00:06:26,230
but then it comes back to life
and still looks like it's dead.

153
00:06:26,265 --> 00:06:27,931
Nope. I'm not a zombie.

154
00:06:27,967 --> 00:06:28,291
I'm actually...

155
00:06:28,322 --> 00:06:29,366
Don't tell him. Don't tell him.
Don't tell him.

156
00:06:29,402 --> 00:06:30,501
- Don't tell him. Don't tell him.
- I'm you.

157
00:06:30,536 --> 00:06:32,503
Ugh. You told him.

158
00:06:32,538 --> 00:06:33,937
Me?

159
00:06:35,007 --> 00:06:36,507
That's supposed to be me?

160
00:06:37,910 --> 00:06:39,977
That's...

161
00:06:40,012 --> 00:06:42,513
I love it. I love it. I love it!

162
00:06:42,548 --> 00:06:44,448
I l... (Laughs) Look at that.

163
00:06:46,018 --> 00:06:51,055
(Spookily) This is your reward for making
it through the gauntlet of horror.

164
00:06:51,090 --> 00:06:52,990
We were going to make it a lot scarier,

165
00:06:53,025 --> 00:06:55,292
but we didn't want to frighten
the really little kids...

166
00:06:55,327 --> 00:06:57,961
And we opened the wine. (Laughs)

167
00:06:57,997 --> 00:06:59,329
Sorry... magic potion.

168
00:07:00,766 --> 00:07:04,034
Ah, did you see the excitement
on all their little faces?

169
00:07:04,070 --> 00:07:06,270
Yeah. I mean, what could
possibly be better than this?

170
00:07:06,305 --> 00:07:08,772
College football game,
according to our husbands.

171
00:07:08,808 --> 00:07:11,909
You know, two grown men
sitting alone in a dark room...

172
00:07:11,944 --> 00:07:14,044
Yeah. It just seems so sad.

173
00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:15,879
- Touchdown!
- Penalty!

174
00:07:15,915 --> 00:07:17,247
Bringing it back!

175
00:07:17,316 --> 00:07:18,816
(Laughs)

176
00:07:18,851 --> 00:07:20,517
So sad.

177
00:07:20,553 --> 00:07:22,753
Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming.

178
00:07:22,788 --> 00:07:24,655
I mean, Chuck never
wants to do anything new.

179
00:07:24,690 --> 00:07:28,192
I tried to sign us up for
cooking class, swing dance.

180
00:07:28,227 --> 00:07:30,627
Huh, I'm surprised Chuck
would need dance lessons.

181
00:07:30,663 --> 00:07:31,862
Really? Why?

182
00:07:31,897 --> 00:07:34,731
Well, he just must have great rhythm.

183
00:07:36,001 --> 00:07:40,003
You know, b-because he was...
he was a marine and... and...

184
00:07:40,039 --> 00:07:42,239
I mean, they...
they march, so...

185
00:07:42,274 --> 00:07:43,474
You can stop.

186
00:07:43,509 --> 00:07:46,009
- Oh, thank you.
- (Laughs)

187
00:07:46,045 --> 00:07:47,478
Oh, gosh.

188
00:07:47,513 --> 00:07:50,714
You know, Mike has become
pretty set in his ways, too.

189
00:07:50,749 --> 00:07:51,849
For example, in the bedroom...

190
00:07:51,884 --> 00:07:53,584
Oh, my God. Stop.

191
00:07:53,619 --> 00:07:54,751
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

192
00:07:54,787 --> 00:07:56,987
I meant, uh, the decorating.

193
00:07:57,022 --> 00:07:59,423
He freaked out when he saw it was different.

194
00:07:59,458 --> 00:07:59,778
Mm.

195
00:07:59,809 --> 00:08:03,994
Yeah, but just so you know, the other
bedroom stuff... got no complaints.

196
00:08:04,029 --> 00:08:05,529
- Oh.
- (Chuckles)

197
00:08:05,564 --> 00:08:09,666
If we gonna talk about that bedroom stuff,
I'm going to need some more magic potion.

198
00:08:09,702 --> 00:08:11,001
Oh.

199
00:08:11,036 --> 00:08:13,737
I don't know, Carol. What are we gonna do?

200
00:08:13,772 --> 00:08:16,573
This can't be the way things
are for the rest of our lives.

201
00:08:16,609 --> 00:08:19,643
Yeah, this is how it should
be for the rest of our lives...

202
00:08:19,678 --> 00:08:23,881
Cold beer, good football game, a neighbor...
who I'm neutral about

203
00:08:23,916 --> 00:08:26,717
Yeah, I think it's great we've
reached an age where we can simplify.

204
00:08:26,752 --> 00:08:29,153
My wife doesn't get that. For
instance, in the bedroom...

205
00:08:29,188 --> 00:08:30,120
Time out, brother.

206
00:08:30,156 --> 00:08:31,855
No, no, no.

207
00:08:31,891 --> 00:08:34,057
I mean, when I got back
from the road this time,

208
00:08:34,093 --> 00:08:35,225
she changed everything in the bedroom.

209
00:08:35,261 --> 00:08:36,260
Oh. Like, everything.

210
00:08:36,295 --> 00:08:38,662
Carol signed us up for cooking classes.

211
00:08:38,697 --> 00:08:43,934
(Scoffs) I'd have gone, too, except
then I'd know how to cook...

212
00:08:43,969 --> 00:08:46,703
And there goes a perfectly good excuse.

213
00:08:46,739 --> 00:08:48,005
(Doorbell rings)

214
00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:49,306
Did you order more pizza?

215
00:08:49,341 --> 00:08:51,842
No, but you know what?
I was thinking about it.

216
00:08:51,877 --> 00:08:54,678
Maybe these smartphones
are getting too smart.

217
00:08:55,848 --> 00:08:58,415
We've got a line of
trick-or-treaters out there.

218
00:08:58,450 --> 00:09:01,518
Someone covered my porch
with Jack-o'-lanterns.

219
00:09:01,554 --> 00:09:03,887
It was the wives.

220
00:09:03,923 --> 00:09:05,722
You just start enjoying
something... they ruin it.

221
00:09:05,758 --> 00:09:07,024
Just like in the bedroom.

222
00:09:07,059 --> 00:09:08,525
(Doorbell ringing) Don't open that door.

223
00:09:08,561 --> 00:09:12,129
You... you'll unleash a hell storm of
little Disney characters and Batmans.

224
00:09:12,164 --> 00:09:13,163
You will not be able to control it.

225
00:09:13,199 --> 00:09:14,198
Don't open the... oh!

226
00:09:14,233 --> 00:09:17,167
Together: Trick or treat.

227
00:09:17,203 --> 00:09:20,370
The ladies across the street said
you were giving out the good stuff.

228
00:09:20,406 --> 00:09:22,839
Oh. They did, did they?

229
00:09:22,875 --> 00:09:25,676
You know what?

230
00:09:25,711 --> 00:09:27,611
They're right.

231
00:09:27,646 --> 00:09:31,014
"World's greatest mom." Here you go.

232
00:09:31,050 --> 00:09:32,449
And, uh, oh!

233
00:09:32,484 --> 00:09:36,186
Yeah, enjoy that women
today magazine, tiny nerd.

234
00:09:36,222 --> 00:09:38,889
I see what we're doing.

235
00:09:38,924 --> 00:09:39,990
Is this the wife's?

236
00:09:40,025 --> 00:09:41,325
Oh, not anymore.

237
00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:42,793
Well, look at that.

238
00:09:42,828 --> 00:09:46,663
Now you got a master's
degree from Howard University.

239
00:09:52,833 --> 00:09:57,502
OMG, I did such a
good job on your makeup!

240
00:09:57,538 --> 00:09:59,571
I could get a job working in Hollywood,

241
00:09:59,606 --> 00:10:02,207
you know, if they ever
make a movie about Ed.

242
00:10:02,242 --> 00:10:03,475
(As Ed) Makeup?

243
00:10:03,510 --> 00:10:05,877
I don't know what you're
talking about, little lady.

244
00:10:05,913 --> 00:10:08,780
Ugh! No, no, no.

245
00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:10,982
I don't want you to kiss
me when you look like that.

246
00:10:11,018 --> 00:10:14,486
I would feel like I was
cheating on you with future you.

247
00:10:14,521 --> 00:10:17,489
And I don't want future
you to be into young chicks.

248
00:10:17,524 --> 00:10:19,224
(Normal voice) Yeah, but
y-you know it's just me.

249
00:10:19,259 --> 00:10:23,361
Yeah, my ears do, but my eyes don't
and I hate it when they get confused.

250
00:10:23,397 --> 00:10:25,497
It's like when I see that
movie with all the talking toys

251
00:10:25,532 --> 00:10:27,833
and I keep thinking I hear my dad's voice.

252
00:10:31,638 --> 00:10:34,072
(As Ed) (Grunts) Hey, there, Frankie.

253
00:10:34,107 --> 00:10:38,877
You know, seeing you bust your hump here
every day reminds me of my old man.

254
00:10:38,912 --> 00:10:40,645
I could cry.

255
00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:44,082
But I won't, because real
men don't feel things.

256
00:10:44,117 --> 00:10:46,718
Who am I kidding? Bring it in here, buddy.

257
00:10:47,988 --> 00:10:49,020
Hey, Ed.

258
00:10:49,056 --> 00:10:50,989
Still enjoying Kyle's impersonation of you?

259
00:10:51,024 --> 00:10:52,357
No.

260
00:10:52,392 --> 00:10:53,892
He's hugging all the employees.

261
00:10:53,927 --> 00:10:55,994
He's opening up both of us to a lawsuit.

262
00:10:56,029 --> 00:10:57,329
Let me help you with that.

263
00:10:57,364 --> 00:10:58,964
I may be old, but I'm strong.

264
00:10:58,999 --> 00:11:00,832
It's all the jazz dancing.

265
00:11:02,847 --> 00:11:04,208
What the hell is he talking about?

266
00:11:04,238 --> 00:11:07,205
Teenage girls jazz dance. I salsa.

267
00:11:07,241 --> 00:11:09,641
Close your eyes or your
wish won't come true.

268
00:11:09,676 --> 00:11:11,176
That's it. Okay. Okay.

269
00:11:11,211 --> 00:11:13,078
So, I'm a damn genie now, huh?

270
00:11:13,113 --> 00:11:16,047
Nice costume, Kyle.

271
00:11:16,083 --> 00:11:18,550
This is a workplace. Party's over.

272
00:11:23,056 --> 00:11:24,556
That was a brilliant idea, Carol...

273
00:11:24,591 --> 00:11:26,858
Sending those trick-or-treaters
over to the guys.

274
00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:28,927
(Laughs) Thank you. Yeah.

275
00:11:28,962 --> 00:11:32,564
In my sorority days, I
was the big prankster.

276
00:11:32,599 --> 00:11:35,734
Yeah, yeah, one time at a party, I
got everyone's attention and I said,

277
00:11:35,769 --> 00:11:38,169
"Hey! Hey! We're all out of sloppy Joes!"

278
00:11:39,992 --> 00:11:42,112
And I said, "just kidding.
There's plenty back there."

279
00:11:42,142 --> 00:11:44,676
(Laughs) Yeah, you told me that.

280
00:11:44,711 --> 00:11:47,979
That's why I figured I
should take the lead on this.

281
00:11:48,015 --> 00:11:49,614
Hmm, you know, it's been pretty quiet.

282
00:11:49,650 --> 00:11:51,283
I wonder where all those
trick-or-treaters are.

283
00:11:51,318 --> 00:11:52,651
Well, maybe it's too important to you.

284
00:11:52,686 --> 00:11:54,886
You know, kids can smell desperation.

285
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:58,490
There's plenty of kids out there,
but they're just walking by.

286
00:12:06,233 --> 00:12:07,332
Lady.

287
00:12:07,367 --> 00:12:10,368
Uh, this has Chuck written all over it.

288
00:12:10,404 --> 00:12:11,503
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

289
00:12:11,538 --> 00:12:13,104
This is actually a great thing.

290
00:12:13,140 --> 00:12:14,706
Our husbands fired back.

291
00:12:14,741 --> 00:12:16,641
Hey, maybe they're not dead inside.

292
00:12:16,677 --> 00:12:18,810
Yeah. Well, we've got to keep this going.

293
00:12:18,845 --> 00:12:20,412
The ball is in our court.

294
00:12:20,447 --> 00:12:22,547
No, no, no, no, no. You mean, in my court.

295
00:12:22,583 --> 00:12:27,052
Because this is a job for the Delta Delta
Delta prankster prankster prankster.

296
00:12:31,158 --> 00:12:33,725
(Chuckles) Looks like
the wives brought lady in.

297
00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:36,227
Ah, it's not over. Vanessa
will call at any minute and say,

298
00:12:36,263 --> 00:12:39,030
"Uh, we're out of sloppy Joes."

299
00:12:39,066 --> 00:12:40,365
Hey...

300
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:41,800
Chuck, you might want to watch this.

301
00:12:41,835 --> 00:12:44,402
(Sighs) Man, you're on the
6-yard line, about to score.

302
00:12:44,438 --> 00:12:46,071
Why would I want to see that?

303
00:12:46,106 --> 00:12:47,872
So you can see what it
looks like when I'm happy.

304
00:12:47,908 --> 00:12:49,441
Here we go.

305
00:12:49,476 --> 00:12:51,076
Quick shovel pass and
they're gonna be in there.

306
00:12:51,111 --> 00:12:52,277
In there! (Static crackles)

307
00:12:52,312 --> 00:12:54,879
<i>Woman: Ronald, I'm pregnant.</i>

308
00:12:54,915 --> 00:12:56,014
Why did you change the channel?

309
00:12:56,049 --> 00:12:57,382
I didn't change the channel.

310
00:12:57,417 --> 00:12:58,897
Well, look at this. Well, I wasn't...

311
00:12:58,919 --> 00:13:00,452
- (Laughs)
- Oh, that was perfect!

312
00:13:00,487 --> 00:13:03,622
You changed the channel right
when the pass was in the air!

313
00:13:05,392 --> 00:13:09,427
Chuck was so condescending when he set
up this phone control of the DVR.

314
00:13:09,463 --> 00:13:13,565
"It's technology.
How about you leave it to me?"

315
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:16,067
How about I stick it to you?

316
00:13:16,103 --> 00:13:18,536
Yeah! (Both laugh)

317
00:13:18,572 --> 00:13:20,505
I don't know what happened, but I fixed it.

318
00:13:20,540 --> 00:13:21,506
Get off my back.

319
00:13:21,541 --> 00:13:22,574
All right, all right, all right.

320
00:13:22,609 --> 00:13:23,908
Got another shot at it... another shot.

321
00:13:23,944 --> 00:13:25,777
A little rollout. Maybe
just a little rollout.

322
00:13:25,812 --> 00:13:27,078
Watch this. Goes... go... (Static crackles)

323
00:13:27,114 --> 00:13:29,214
<i>Man: Are you sure the baby's mine, Andrea?</i>

324
00:13:29,249 --> 00:13:31,950
<i>I will not help you
raise another man's baby.</i>

325
00:13:31,985 --> 00:13:33,385
For the love of God, what's happening?

326
00:13:33,420 --> 00:13:34,786
I don't...

327
00:13:34,821 --> 00:13:36,087
(Both laugh)

328
00:13:36,123 --> 00:13:37,455
Lifetime...

329
00:13:37,491 --> 00:13:41,626
Television for women who want
to mess with their husbands!

330
00:13:46,531 --> 00:13:49,866
Please tell me you didn't tell her
how to program this from her phone.

331
00:13:49,901 --> 00:13:52,268
No way. It's technology. I
told her to leave it to me.

332
00:13:52,303 --> 00:13:54,570
We should have never engaged them...

333
00:13:54,606 --> 00:13:57,039
Or got engaged to them...
see how that turned out.

334
00:13:57,075 --> 00:13:59,542
Well (Clears throat) It's half time.

335
00:13:59,577 --> 00:14:02,411
We got 20 minutes to figure
out how to get back at them.

336
00:14:02,447 --> 00:14:06,716
What would you rather do, get back at
them or enjoy the rest of the game?

337
00:14:10,021 --> 00:14:11,153
(Knock on door)

338
00:14:11,189 --> 00:14:12,655
Hey, Mr. Alzate.

339
00:14:12,690 --> 00:14:15,258
I'm finished for the day. I
was thinking I might take off.

340
00:14:15,293 --> 00:14:17,627
Fine.

341
00:14:17,662 --> 00:14:20,830
You know, I-I'm sorry if my
impression upset you today.

342
00:14:20,865 --> 00:14:23,266
I-I'm still working on the voice.

343
00:14:23,301 --> 00:14:25,401
That's not what pissed me off.

344
00:14:25,436 --> 00:14:27,169
(As Ed) That's not what pissed me off.

345
00:14:27,205 --> 00:14:31,474
Please, stop working
on the voice, all right?

346
00:14:31,509 --> 00:14:33,376
The whole thing was insulting.

347
00:14:33,411 --> 00:14:34,710
(Normal voice) I didn't mean it to be.

348
00:14:34,746 --> 00:14:35,745
It was meant to be a tribute.

349
00:14:35,780 --> 00:14:36,913
A tribute?

350
00:14:36,948 --> 00:14:39,348
Oh, that's why everybody was laughing, huh?

351
00:14:39,384 --> 00:14:41,417
"Oh, wouldn't it be
wonderful if Ed was nice?

352
00:14:41,452 --> 00:14:43,185
Ah, Hardy Hardy Hardy. Yeah, yeah."

353
00:14:43,221 --> 00:14:45,121
But you are nice.

354
00:14:45,156 --> 00:14:47,123
No, Kyle, I'm not.

355
00:14:48,459 --> 00:14:50,793
I wanted to be.

356
00:14:50,828 --> 00:14:52,361
(Groans)

357
00:14:52,397 --> 00:14:56,032
Yeah, I'd always promised myself
I'd be exactly like Mr. Finch.

358
00:14:56,067 --> 00:14:58,100
He was my first boss.

359
00:14:58,136 --> 00:15:00,369
I loved him. Everybody loved him.

360
00:15:00,405 --> 00:15:06,275
I mean, you had any problems at work or
with your girl, you go to Mr. Finch.

361
00:15:06,311 --> 00:15:08,277
Yep.

362
00:15:08,313 --> 00:15:10,413
Yeah, he was a caring man.

363
00:15:10,448 --> 00:15:12,081
You're like that.

364
00:15:12,116 --> 00:15:16,585
Well, maybe I used to be, but, you know...

365
00:15:16,621 --> 00:15:20,122
It's a tough business. You
have to make hard decisions.

366
00:15:20,158 --> 00:15:22,458
You know, you fire enough
guys with... with families,

367
00:15:22,493 --> 00:15:25,561
you have to convince
yourself that it doesn't hurt.

368
00:15:25,596 --> 00:15:28,798
Then one day, it doesn't.

369
00:15:28,833 --> 00:15:30,132
There's a positive.

370
00:15:31,669 --> 00:15:33,569
Kyle, go home. Go ahead.

371
00:15:33,604 --> 00:15:36,939
All right, but if I only get to
be you for a few more minutes...

372
00:15:36,975 --> 00:15:39,275
Yeah... I've got something I want to say.

373
00:15:39,310 --> 00:15:44,513
I may tell people that being tough
doesn't hurt anymore, but it does.

374
00:15:44,549 --> 00:15:46,415
Or else I wouldn't have gotten so mad

375
00:15:46,451 --> 00:15:49,685
at that loveable goofball who
was dressed like me all day.

376
00:15:51,456 --> 00:15:52,688
Okay, Kyle.

377
00:15:52,724 --> 00:15:57,093
And now the Ed I am would
hug you and we'd cry.

378
00:15:59,163 --> 00:16:01,831
And the Ed I am would
punch you and you'd cry.

379
00:16:03,167 --> 00:16:04,800
How about this?

380
00:16:07,672 --> 00:16:09,472
You're a good man, Ed.

381
00:16:09,507 --> 00:16:11,841
You're a good man, too, Ed.

382
00:16:12,910 --> 00:16:14,777
Oh, come on with that.

383
00:16:16,514 --> 00:16:18,781
Is it weird this feel so right?

384
00:16:20,852 --> 00:16:22,551
Way to kill your moment, kid.

385
00:16:27,825 --> 00:16:30,192
(Sighs) Hey, ladies.

386
00:16:30,228 --> 00:16:32,228
Hey, what are you guys doing back so early?

387
00:16:32,263 --> 00:16:33,863
Don't you want to see how the game ends

388
00:16:33,898 --> 00:16:36,999
or if Ronald gets back
together with Andrea?

389
00:16:38,236 --> 00:16:40,403
Look, we just want to watch the game.

390
00:16:40,438 --> 00:16:42,138
You know, you win. You
win. We just want peace.

391
00:16:42,173 --> 00:16:46,308
Oh, everybody wants peace, honey,
you know, when you're losing.

392
00:16:46,344 --> 00:16:48,310
Let us finish watching the game.

393
00:16:48,346 --> 00:16:49,945
And next Halloween, we'll be all over it.

394
00:16:49,981 --> 00:16:53,949
I'll be Denzel and... and I won't
even ask you to be Halle Berry.

395
00:16:53,985 --> 00:16:55,017
But I won't stop you.

396
00:16:55,053 --> 00:16:57,386
(Laughs)

397
00:16:57,422 --> 00:16:59,321
What do you think, Carol?
Should we let them off the hook?

398
00:16:59,357 --> 00:17:00,322
I don't know.

399
00:17:00,358 --> 00:17:01,657
Well, w-what if I sweeten the deal

400
00:17:01,692 --> 00:17:04,193
by saying... Chuck will go dancing with you?

401
00:17:04,228 --> 00:17:05,961
- Done.
- Hey!

402
00:17:05,997 --> 00:17:08,230
How'd you figure out the
phone/DVR thing, anyway?

403
00:17:08,266 --> 00:17:10,166
YouTube. You better watch out.

404
00:17:10,201 --> 00:17:13,202
Saw a video on how to sew
a grown man into a bedsheet.

405
00:17:13,237 --> 00:17:16,472
(Chuckles) Okay, let's go, Mike.

406
00:17:16,507 --> 00:17:19,307
But be prepared... my Gophers are a
second-half team. (Doorbell rings)

407
00:17:19,310 --> 00:17:21,477
Explains why they did so badly first half.

408
00:17:21,512 --> 00:17:23,579
- Hey.
- Trick or treat!

409
00:17:23,614 --> 00:17:25,514
You guys need to talk to the witches.

410
00:17:25,550 --> 00:17:28,484
Ooh, you look so scary!

411
00:17:28,519 --> 00:17:31,487
Ooh. Eve, honey, we're
running low on candy!

412
00:17:31,522 --> 00:17:33,923
Seriously? I just dumped a bag
in there like five minutes ago.

413
00:17:33,958 --> 00:17:35,758
You used the candy from that bag?

414
00:17:35,793 --> 00:17:37,660
Yeah, I found it in your gun safe.

415
00:17:37,695 --> 00:17:39,428
Holy crap.

416
00:17:39,464 --> 00:17:40,896
Why were you in my gun safe?

417
00:17:40,932 --> 00:17:42,431
Well, I went to the range, remember?

418
00:17:42,467 --> 00:17:43,666
I was putting my pistol back.

419
00:17:43,701 --> 00:17:45,434
Sorry I gave away your candy stash.

420
00:17:45,470 --> 00:17:46,435
Holy crap!

421
00:17:46,471 --> 00:17:47,803
What's the big deal?

422
00:17:47,839 --> 00:17:49,672
That's the candy I got from Mike's dad.

423
00:17:49,707 --> 00:17:52,641
It was laced with marijuana.

424
00:17:53,845 --> 00:17:56,178
So it really was a stash.

425
00:17:57,582 --> 00:18:00,182
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

426
00:18:00,218 --> 00:18:01,550
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

427
00:18:01,586 --> 00:18:03,452
We gave marijuana to children.

428
00:18:03,488 --> 00:18:05,254
We're dealers!

429
00:18:05,289 --> 00:18:06,455
I-I was never here.

430
00:18:06,491 --> 00:18:08,390
Not too many drug pushers
get into West Point.

431
00:18:09,861 --> 00:18:11,360
Where are you going?

432
00:18:11,395 --> 00:18:13,829
We've got to get that stuff back!

433
00:18:13,865 --> 00:18:16,198
So you're literally gonna
take candy from babies.

434
00:18:16,267 --> 00:18:18,200
Sweetie, let me get a look inside that bag.

435
00:18:18,236 --> 00:18:19,001
- No.
- Just a little peek.

436
00:18:19,036 --> 00:18:20,436
Just a little peek!

437
00:18:20,471 --> 00:18:21,904
For God's sake, give me the bag!

438
00:18:21,939 --> 00:18:25,608
Witches are taking my candy!
Witches are taking my candy!

439
00:18:25,643 --> 00:18:27,776
What are you doing with
my master's diploma?

440
00:18:27,812 --> 00:18:29,912
(Siren wails)

441
00:18:29,947 --> 00:18:31,480
Uh-oh.

442
00:18:31,516 --> 00:18:32,715
(Police radio chatter)

443
00:18:32,750 --> 00:18:34,250
(Gasps) Oh, my God.

444
00:18:34,285 --> 00:18:36,185
Carol, uh, you do the talking.

445
00:18:36,220 --> 00:18:37,386
Cops make me nervous.

446
00:18:37,421 --> 00:18:39,121
They make you nervous?

447
00:18:39,157 --> 00:18:41,223
Hey, fellas, what can we do for you?

448
00:18:41,259 --> 00:18:42,525
We've had some very disturbing reports

449
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:44,894
about tainted candy being
handed out in this area.

450
00:18:44,929 --> 00:18:45,928
Is this your house?

451
00:18:45,963 --> 00:18:47,196
Uh, yeah, yeah, yes, it is,

452
00:18:47,231 --> 00:18:50,933
uh, uh, officer... Schlumbrecht, is it?

453
00:18:50,968 --> 00:18:53,969
Gosh, that is such a pretty name.

454
00:18:54,005 --> 00:18:56,539
Vanessa, give it a rest.

455
00:18:56,574 --> 00:18:58,807
Just a misunderstanding.
Nothing really was going on here.

456
00:18:58,843 --> 00:19:00,142
- Step back, sir.
- I'm not doing anything.

457
00:19:00,178 --> 00:19:01,277
I'm just explaining what's going on.

458
00:19:01,312 --> 00:19:02,444
You want to talk about
this down at the station?

459
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:03,646
- No. No, I don't want to...
- Hey, hey, hey.

460
00:19:03,681 --> 00:19:04,580
Whoa, whoa, whoa. -Aren't
you guys overreacting?

461
00:19:04,615 --> 00:19:05,347
You want to go with him, sir?

462
00:19:05,383 --> 00:19:06,949
- Maybe I do!
- Chuck!

463
00:19:06,984 --> 00:19:09,318
No, you got to have a
warrant. We have rights here.

464
00:19:09,353 --> 00:19:10,920
It was us, officer.

465
00:19:10,955 --> 00:19:12,988
We... we... we gave
out the pot candy.

466
00:19:13,024 --> 00:19:14,623
She's right. It was us.

467
00:19:14,659 --> 00:19:16,225
Mainly her.

468
00:19:16,260 --> 00:19:18,461
So your husbands had absolutely
nothing to do with this?

469
00:19:18,462 --> 00:19:20,729
No, no, no. They were just
trying to enjoy the game.

470
00:19:20,765 --> 00:19:22,831
Yes, we were just trying to enjoy the game.

471
00:19:22,867 --> 00:19:25,301
Wait. Why did you just repeat what I said?

472
00:19:25,336 --> 00:19:28,771
Because you didn't do anything wrong,
except mess with the wrong guys!

473
00:19:28,806 --> 00:19:30,506
- (Laughter)
- What?

474
00:19:30,575 --> 00:19:31,640
What?!

475
00:19:31,676 --> 00:19:34,777
That's right! W-we set up the whole thing.

476
00:19:34,812 --> 00:19:37,580
These two officers moonlight
for my security company.

477
00:19:37,615 --> 00:19:39,615
- Thanks, guys.
- No problem.

478
00:19:39,650 --> 00:19:41,584
Call me.

479
00:19:41,619 --> 00:19:44,486
I texted Eve. I told her to take
the candy out of the gun safe.

480
00:19:44,522 --> 00:19:46,021
Well, where is the pot candy now?

481
00:19:46,057 --> 00:19:48,157
The candy never left the safe.

482
00:19:48,192 --> 00:19:49,792
Yeah.

483
00:19:49,827 --> 00:19:51,961
You should have seen the
look on your face, mom.

484
00:19:51,996 --> 00:19:53,128
Okay.

485
00:19:53,164 --> 00:19:54,763
(Sighs) You were
right. Halloween is great.

486
00:19:54,799 --> 00:19:56,532
Priceless.

487
00:19:56,567 --> 00:19:58,634
(Laughing) "The witches
are taking my candy!

488
00:19:58,669 --> 00:20:00,903
The witches are taking my candy!"

489
00:20:00,938 --> 00:20:03,239
Okay. Okay, fine. You two got us.

490
00:20:03,274 --> 00:20:05,241
But at least we got you
guys off of the couch.

491
00:20:05,276 --> 00:20:08,143
And remember what you said...
next Halloween we go all-out.

492
00:20:08,179 --> 00:20:10,479
Oh, you silly witch.
Those were terms for peace!

493
00:20:10,514 --> 00:20:11,914
We won the war.

494
00:20:11,949 --> 00:20:13,983
- Back to the game.
- That's right.

495
00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:21,510
(Whistles) That's it.

496
00:20:21,546 --> 00:20:23,245
Come on. Everybody out.

497
00:20:23,281 --> 00:20:25,448
Go home. Enjoy Halloween
with your families.

498
00:20:25,483 --> 00:20:26,816
Come on. Go. Come on.

499
00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:29,151
(As Ed) You heard me.

500
00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:32,521
Wow. You're getting better.

501
00:20:32,557 --> 00:20:34,457
And if any of you are
having problems at work

502
00:20:34,492 --> 00:20:36,892
or with your girl, you come see me.

503
00:20:38,496 --> 00:20:41,464
Dennis, what are you still doing here?

504
00:20:41,499 --> 00:20:42,498
You've got kids.

505
00:20:42,533 --> 00:20:43,833
Yeah, well, I also have a job.

506
00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:44,867
Not anymore.

507
00:20:44,902 --> 00:20:47,169
What?

508
00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:49,338
I meant tonight. Go home.

509
00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:51,307
You're done. Enjoy the kids.

510
00:20:51,342 --> 00:20:53,022
Go ahead. I'll finish unloading the truck.

511
00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:55,845
I'm still strong enough...
From jazz dancing.

512
00:20:59,016 --> 00:21:01,250
(Normal voice) You
see that? You are nice.

513
00:21:01,285 --> 00:21:04,620
Mm. When I said, "I'll finish it,"
I meant you.

514
00:21:04,655 --> 00:21:06,322
Come on.

515
00:21:06,372 --> 00:21:10,922
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